Going Out Too Fast

"Going out too fast" is a commonly heard phrase in the world of running. For non-runners it is when you just kill it in the first part of what is going to be a long run and leave yourself with no reserves for the finish... I've done this in races and I think I did it with running in general.

We know I love running. Over the past year I fell in love with how running made me feel physically and emotionally. I loved these feelings so much that I became obsessed with feeling them so I ran at every opportunity. I signed up for every race, attended track workouts and running groups, everything... until August. I can pinpoint the exact day when I was just spent. I had a long run scheduled on a Saturday morning and the night before I was at a party with family and friends. Instead of enjoying myself all I could focus on was how much water I was drinking, what time we had to leave so I could be up before it got too hot, where would I run to get in a full 13 miles. The next morning I didn't go. Then on Sunday I didn't go... and until October 16th on the day I was supposed to run a marathon I didn't do a single run longer than 7 miles. I couldn't.

Last February, still on a high from my newly discovered hobby I signed up for a marathon. Everyone I had met through running had done at least one or was training to do one. I figured that meant I had to do it too. So I paid the entry fee and posted on my facebook status that I was going to be doing the Newport Marathon in October 2011. Apparently the theory is if you tell everyone then you can't back out, I proved that theory wrong but I'll get to that... I kept running through the winter and spring and I was really improving and having a blast. I met so many great people and accomplished things that made me feel really good about myself. I even spent a weekend in a van with strangers and no shower running around New England. Truly a feat as I'm not big on going places without my husband or my hairdryer.

When summer hit it was time to start a 16 week training program in preparation for the big day. I laid out a plan, taped it in my journal and joined a group at Fleet Feet doing long runs on the weekends. I've written previously about my struggles during the summer so this might be familiar and repetitive. Basically I ran too much, I over committed myself and ran myself into the ground. Dramatic yes, but it's the truth. Running became a chore, one I was now dreading every Friday night as I watched my friends have drinks and dinner outside while I sipped water and went to bed early. My commitment to the ladies on Monday and Wednesday waned as well which was a huge disappointment to me because they were (and are) such a huge part of why I loved running. I just couldn't get up the energy to go anymore, it was so much easier to work out at home. The more I skipped out on things the worse I felt and the further I drifted from my goal of a marathon.

With about four weeks to go, my miles were nowhere near where they should have been going into a 26.2 mile race. I was panicked. I feverishly googled four week training programs, I tweeted Ask Miles from Runners World for advice. When he told me run the half instead I started a twitter fight with him. Yeah, not my proudest cyber moment! I tried to pick up the plan I had originally chosen from the week I should have been on and it was too much. Don't get me wrong, I was in great shape and was still logging about 20 miles or more a week, but that is about half the mileage needed.

I am my own worst enemy. I always have been, often setting myself up for disappointment so the choice to run a half marathon instead of a full marathon felt like a failure to me. While it was the safest and most rational choice given the point I was at, it was an incredibly hard decision. First was the feeling of failure. I had set a goal and I wasn't reaching it while countless others around me were achieving marathon status. I was letting my friends and family down especially my husband who had stood at countless finish lines, dried more tears than a 34 year old woman should shed about running and encouraged me any way he could to just run. Then my parents and my sister, brother in law and niece who had all booked (expensive) hotel rooms to watch me run. I felt like I was disappointing them, they'd been so excited about the race. My parents both assured me they would not be upset or disappointed if I ran the half marathon, but I still wasn't there. I struggled with this decision until 10 days before the race which was the last day to make a switch.

I felt an incredible sense of relief once I made my choice. I felt like a weight had lifted off my shoulders. I definitely felt a little remorse when my running friends began to taper for the Hartford Marathon, maybe even a few twinges of jealousy that they were able to do the training and would run the race. However, it was more important to me personally to just run the race I had now chosen, the half. Just the half... that became my answer to everyone when they asked about the marathon. Just running the half, as if that wasn't enough! It's still 13.1 miles.

This is me after the race... one of the most fun races I've run and one of the best family weekends I've been fortunate to experience.

There is plenty more running to talk about... but this is good for now right?

I'm Still Here...

Race Recap, Summer Running Round-Up and everything else in my head to be blogged on shortly... promise! Happy Fall... Perfect running weather!

"Run" Ragged

It has been quite a few weeks since I last blogged and I blame... running. Uh oh... I think running and I are about to have our first fight.

In the last few weeks I've done a lot of running and it was literally running me into the ground. I was denying how exhausted I was because I was doing what I love and making healthy use of my time. I ignored the pain in my arch and the one in my knee. I told myself it was par for the course. I had a million excuses.

Then my friend Tiffany sent me this article which served as a desperately needed reality check. In reflecting on my life prior to reading the article I realized a few things...

I was training so hard for my marathon I was sacrificing everything else. I justified it because I'm a good runner, I won a race, I win my age group and most importantly I have a sponsor!! I have to run! God bless my amazing husband who played along with all my delusions of grandeur and managed to not laugh in my self important face. He would tell me it was okay to take a break and maybe I was overdoing it, but he supported me with out question. Well... except the time I told him I wanted to hire a coach. He said no to that!

Case in point: a group of running friends and I were graciously given admission to the Rock and Roll Providence Half Marathon by my favorite running store Fleet Feet. As a Providence College graduate I was thrilled to have this opportunity. Running in the old 'hood with a great group of friends. VIP access all around. Then we got there. I cried the night before the race, I really cried the day of the race. I almost didn't walk out of the hotel when I saw the rain coming down in sheets. I was terrified to run. Long story short I ran. I finished in 1:40:38. Oh and I cried, a lot. Why the tears? I thought my time sucked. Really sucked. I mean I was a better runner than that, I was going for 1:35. This was a total failure in my mind. As such I did not allow myself to relax and enjoy the truly great group of people I was with, I did not laugh with everyone else at the ridiculous conditions. I was devastated and embarrassed. In hindsight the embarrassing thing is that I let this behavior happen at all. The time was really good. I came in 52 out of thousands of women... I should have been proud and most importantly happy to be with my husband and friends in the city I have spent so many years loving.

When I really started to break it down I realized that I had stopped running with friends who were too competitive because God forbid they beat me! Instead of being able to be happy for the success of others, I chose to run against people I didn't know because losing to them wouldn't sting as much. Can you say selfish? I can and her name is Kate...

Then the training. A week after the 13.1 I ran a 20 mile long run which almost ended my running career. I finished the run and I felt good, I was smart about taking it slow. However all the miles prior started to take their toll quickly, but I kept running. I had weekly mileage goals to meet after all. I tried my best to meet them, but my runs were slow and sluggish. Every morning it was painful to step out of bed and I was rarely stepping out of bed in time to join my running group. I had become a bailer, a no show and ridiculously inconsistent which I hate and which made me feel incredibly guilty.

So I read the article and felt like I was reading about myself and it made me feel RIDICULOUS! Yes I am a decent runner and it is awesome to win, but the joy is in what you personally take away from the run. It's how it makes you feel, it's the sound of your feet on the pavement, it's the stress melting away and it's the person you love most waiting for you at the finish. Those are the best prizes.

Yes I run for Oiselle an apparel company run by some actual great runners Sally and Sarah, but I think they chose me to be a part of their team more because of this blog and the story of the woman behind it, not because I was going to be the next Shalane Flanagan. They liked that I was relatable and the things I achieved were within reach for all women.

Other things fell by the wayside too... I forgot a friends birthday, I feel asleep in odd places (my desk), I rejected plans with out of town friends because I was "in training", I stopped blogging, Kenny's life started to be dictated by my training schedule as well and that just wasn't fair.

That Friday I chose me, not in the dramatic way Kelly Taylor did, but me all the same. I took the weekend off with my family. I'm not going to lie, I went to the gym but I didn't run again until Monday. It was exactly what I needed and I hope I am able to continue to apply this to my running so our first fight doesn't cause us to break up because I really do love running.

Happy Running... Kate

Tiffany and I at the 2010 Cherry Blossom 10 Miler

When You Hit a Wall, Take a Step Back... Then Run Through It

This post started as more of a pep talk to myself, but if it helps anyone who might wander by this blog all the better. I hit a wall, a big one. I am emotionally and physically drained, tired, worn out, exhausted. Oh and my knees hurt and the arch of my right foot has a nagging ache when I walk let alone run.

So as you can see I am in optimal running shape! Perfect for training for my first marathon right? Yeah not so much... Normally I would look at this as total and complete failure and to a degree that thought has been sneaking into the corners of my mind. Things like "Help I am falling apart" or "you really aren't good at this" or "all the races you have placed in, set PRs in etc were just flukes... all of them".

Thankfully in the last year I have started nurturing the more rational side of my brain that always existed, but was severely underutilized! So this weekend I did something really scary for me, I did not run. Bonkers I know!! Actually the smartest thing I could have done apparently since I slept until Noon on Saturday which is seriously unheard of in my life. My body was talking to me and I listened... yay, small victory! I did over-analyze the damage this weekend off would do to my times, fitness, psyche and on and on, but I knew it was the absolute best thing for me. I was going to win this contest too, the one in my head by stepping off the road for 2 days... a mere 2 days.

I am hoping it worked. I know I survived. I was up at 5:30 today for a slow and easy 4 miler and the beginning of a Twitter challenge called RunStreak (run one mile every day for as many days as you can) and I felt good. I have the next 10 weeks of training mapped out for my October marathon. My goal is obviously to follow the plan to the letter, but the victory will be in simply finishing the race.

To uncover your true potential you must find your own limits and then you have to have the courage to blow past them. Picabo Street

Happy Running... Kate

PS I also bought a sweet new pair of kicks, that helped motivate me too!

Every Runner Has a Story... Run for the Fallen CT

Last Saturday I had the incredible privilege to run with an amazing group of people as part of Run for the Fallen CT. Cliff Paquette a young man from Sterling, CT was the lead runner, running 58 miles from his hometown in Sterling to Glastonbury High School. Each mile was dedicated to an individual service member from CT killed in Operation Enduring Freedom and Operation Iraqi Freedom . Each mile was marked with a flag. I ran the fourth leg of the event which was ten miles. It was ten of the most incredible miles I have ever run. 

Cliff Paquette took on this challenge after discussing it with his close friend SSgt. Frank Edward Adamski III. Sadly five months later Frank was the 55th Connecticut soldier killed. Thus the cause took on even greater meaning to Cliff and his family. After Frank's death three more miles were added for three additional lives lost. It was an honor to run carrying the American Flag. I felt a sense of pride in my country that I have never experienced before last Saturday. It was a beautiful and exciting experience. Runners of all levels from all over New England came to run with Cliff. Some ran long distances, some just a few miles but all to show support for this incredibly ambitious endeavor... did I mention Cliff was in an air cast mere weeks before he began his trek? This guy was hardcore and determined. The event was nothing short of inspiring.

I came to be part of the run through Fleet Feet Sports and it's running guru Steph Blozy who can whip a group of runners together like nobodies business. Running with Steph was also a privilege and I got a chance to pick her brain a little about running and the benefits that aren't always the most identifiable ones, like the ones that have changed me. In our discussion she said to me, "every runner has a story" and this is so true. I think by now you know mine and on Saturday I was so in awe of Cliff's story and what running meant and means to him. It keeps his friend Frank's memory alive for him and it honors those who have made the ultimate sacrifice so we can run freely and write our own stories.

My desire to continue with this great cause is complicated. I made some new running friends that I look forward to sharing the road with again, yet I wish we didn't have to make this trek as every life lost is one lost too soon...

I encourage you to visit the website above for Run for the Fallen CT. The pictures of the event are great and the video is fantastic. All proceeds from the event went to  Wounded Warrior Project, Fisher House Foundation, and The Connecticut Patriot Guard Riders.

Leg 4 of Run for the Fallen CT 2011

Me (in the pirate socks) and Steph Blozy proudly carrying the American Flag 

As Always Happy Running... Kate

Today's Inspirational Running Quote...

Every time you lace up you should know that you CAN DO IT. I look to quotes like this one to bolster that belief:

"Believe that you can run farther or faster. Believe that you're young enough, old enough, strong enough and so on to accomplish everything you want to do. Don't let worn out beliefs stop you from moving beyond yourself."                             John Bingham, Runner's World

Happy Running, Kate

My Own Personal Mussabini... My Dad

Now that I am almost (yikes) 34 I can look back and tell you I won the parent lottery. Seriously. My parents have been married for 37 years and they are still so in love with each other it's inspiring (and sometimes embarrassing, but I'll let my sister deal with that one). They are smart and successful and honestly pretty cool too... I can admit this now.

When I was a kid my Dad was very athletic... he played hockey in college, he golfed, he skied and most importantly he ran. He ran a lot they way I remember it. My sister Karen and I always went to races with him to watch, my favorite being around St. Patrick's Day when he would cross the finish line carrying a huge Irish flag. He ran New York three times. We played Olympics with his medals. He ran Montreal. He ran Dublin and for his final marathon he ran Boston with my sister who is no slouch in the running department herself. Go to our high school in North Branford, CT, she has TWO banners on the wall of the gym for back to back titles as the 1600m Champion in the Shoreline Conference.

When I told my parents I had issues with my eating and had entered therapy they were genuinely surprised. They didn't know much about this disorder I now had and their generation just didn't focus on being thin the way ours does. All of a sudden I was a mystery to them. Asthma they got, ED not so much... They didn't blanch though. My Dad got on the phone and called a wonderful facility called the Institute of Living in Hartford, CT. Not to check me in, but simply to speak with someone who could tell him about what I was going through. Then he searched the Internet, read books etc to learn about this new side of me. He just embraced it and moved on treating me exactly the same, but I knew I could talk to him about it if I needed to or wanted to which was a nice outlet to know existed.

Their reaction and specifically my Dad's shouldn't have surprised me. They have supported everything I have done. To this day I keep a box by my bed full of letters from my father. Actually they are "game plans", one for every single game of high school soccer I ever played. Every Single Game. Four years without fail all signed Dad aka Mussabini, the famous running coach from Chariots of Fire. Mom and Dad never missed a game either, for me or for Karen.

Fast forward 16 years when I take up his hobby of running and he is still coaching me. I guess him calling himself Mussabini was prophetic in a way only he would know. Running has bonded us in a way that is solely ours. Sometimes we run races together, like on my wedding day before officiated the ceremony. Sometimes he watches, but never at the finish line, he'll be somewhere on the course where he instinctively knows I need him. Like a few months ago in a 5k at my old high school where I was starting to struggle towards the finish as I entered the track to the end. There he was cheering me on at the entrance to the track on our old soccer field, just like I was a teenager again. It worked, I placed 3rd overall and hearing my name announced as I finished was my greatest athletic success at NBHS even if it was 16 years post graduation. It was all the more special because my Mom was there too in her usual spot at the finish line with my Auntie Jo-Ann. She and Kenny always take this post; she looks for me and signals to him so he can get the photo finish.

The day after that race my Dad sent me an email that I saved in my journal. He said how proud he was by how well I had done, not just at that race but in everything running had helped me accomplish. He also said I inspired him to start running again more regularly. (He had spinal surgery a few years ago and running is more difficult now.) Me inspiring him. That is the greatest compliment he has ever given me. My Dad is my Hero and to know the person who has inspired me my whole life was motivated by me was truly awesome.

I saw this shirt the other day: Running, it's a family thing... For us, yes it is. Thanks Mussabini... I'll see you on the road.

I wish for every runner to have a mentor like this. Happy Running... Kate

My Dad and I on my high school soccer field with my 3rd Place Trophy